Most people would admit that at least a few of their relationships are very puzzling or very stuck in some way, and this can cause great turmoil and stress. We tend to (1) have an affinity for those who "mirror" us in some way--i.e., we view them as having some important similarities to us;and (2) create labels for those who do not seem to have those similarities. These labels, when carried to an extreme, tend to solidify and then all interaction after that becomes strained and stuck. The differences at that point become a major obstacle to basic trust, mutual respect, and honest negotiation in the relationship.

 

WHY THE NEED FOR ALL THIS "MIRRORING"? Because many people have a habit of thinking that a good day is a day when they were validated by those around them--they were praised, they were listened to, appreciated, and agreed with.

 

In the workplace, we are prone to hiring people that we enjoy being around. Often bosses who are selecting a new hire from a pool of applicants choose some form of clone. The problem is, a room full of people with too many similarities can be quite dysfunctional. You see, differences in the room are actually a very constructive force--they need to be understood and channeled correctly. If they are, the group will not have inertia (as the cloned group will), it will have synergy.

 

In marriage, we have heard that "opposites attract". However, it usually requires much more work to understand your opposite, at least initially, than someone more similar to you. If we marry someone very similar, it can be less work to understand each other, however, there may be missing pieces in the "talent pool" of the marriage, and you may at times wish that the missing pieces could just be magically added in.

 

The Kolbe A™ Index provides a crystal-clear map for measuring, understanding, and resolving these differences. It measures your instinctive pattern or "M.O." Your inborn instinctive pattern is right there with you all the time. You need to know how it affects your relationships and your interactions with those around you. Once you have taken this index, your instincts are no longer a mysterious element in your life. You can begin to see the nature of many conflicts, and you can realize that polarization occurs because we misunderstand the intentions of the person with a vastly different instinctive pattern.

 

Here's an example. Some people are insistent that the details of any plan be mapped out completely before the plan can proceed. These detail-insistent people are sorely needed in a chaotic world like this. On the other hand, some people who are equally gifted find the detail-insistent person to come across like "a stick in the mud". This second group of people may prefer to "invent it as we go along", thinking that the details can be worked out and will fall into place naturally during the process. The detail-insistent person responds to this with alarm, and wonders "How exactly do you expect that to work?" This can be viewed as obstructionist, as a person who just doesn't like change. On the other hand, the detail-insistent person can begin to see the "invent it as we go along" person as reckless, thoughtless, and even a "loose cannon". Do you really think "stick in the muds" and "loose cannons" want to hang around each other very long?

 

On the other hand, if they give up on each other, all could be lost. What is needed is a language that helps both sides see how the other side is a truly constructive force in the project. Mediation between the extremes in instinctive patterns is a crucial part of the Kolbe System™. We can only mediate when both of the extremes are helped to move beyond the labels and find common ground as well as a "good enough" solution. In this way the group is able to maintain momentum and work in harmony with a much better understanding of the valuable differences.

 

 

Call me NOW at 443-742-6038 to set up your Kolbe coaching (just two in-person or phone sessions are required) and GET READY TO see your relationships grow stronger as you are FREE TO BE YOURSELF and YOU LEARN TO UNDERSTAND AND WELCOME THE GIFTS THAT OTHERS BRING TO THE TABLE.